Sharma's Blog

Just for Fun

Santa to Pappu:

Where’s Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who’s Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.

Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost… 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said ‘Switched Off’!”
Banta : Nahi Pape, it’s my HELLO TUNE!

Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghu Ayaa..
Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!

Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai !
Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai.
Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!

Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein
Chalayeen Thi.
Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya..?

EFFECTIVE August 01, 2009

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’ category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). My friend, the ‘job hopper’ (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it…. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the ‘company loyal’ employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys – the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:

Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.

Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?
A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.

Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.

Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying ‘employer loyalty’. But I was an idiot.

Q: Why do you say so?
A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a ‘permanent’ job, so I need not worry about ‘what will I do if I lose my job’. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.

Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.
A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being ‘company loyal’ and not ‘money earning and saving loyal’. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving – I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.

Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?
A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me – can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.

Q: What have you gained by doing such things?
A: That’s the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.

Q: So you decided on your own hike?
A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a ‘debt-free’ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.

Q: So are you debt-free now?
A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.

Q: Who is complaining?
A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me – why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.

Q: What is your advice to professionals?
A: Like Narayan Murthy had said – love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company’s needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.

Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?
A: When a company does well, its CEO etc. will address the entire company saying, ‘well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you.” But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO Etc will say, “It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go.” So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.

1. Walk up behind girl and point fingers shaped like gun into her back
“You’re under arrest!”
For what?
“For stealing my heart.”

2. Hi, my name is Chance, Do I have one?

3. are your legs tired?
girl: Why?
because you have been running through my mind all day!

4. “I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?”

5. Can you give me directions to your heart? I’ve seemed to have lost myself in your eyes

6. Take a look at the tag on the girls shirt, jacket, etc.
She would say,”What are doing”
resond,”Oh, just checking to see if you were made in Heaven.”

7. Pick up a flower and walk over to girl.
“I was just showing this flower how beautiful you are.”

8. Is it hot in here or is it just you?

9.Walk up to a guy and say: “Are you from Greece?”
“No” he answers.
“Oh, I thought all the gods were from Greece”

10. GEE I FEEL LIKE RICHARD GERE STANDING BESIDE YOU ……….. PRETTY WOMEN

One of the best interviews of the superstar we have read in ages. Akshay Kumar gets candid in this mid-day interview and talks about the success of Kambakht Ishq, on his movie beating Veer Zaara’s record in Pakistan, the critics who trashed the film (yeah, including us), his near death experience with Sharks while shooting for Blue, on his decision to work again with Nikhil Advani who directed Chandni Chowk to China, on why he doesn’t like late-night parties, his favorite female stars, on SRK and Aamir, his upcoming films…. and he reveals why he might just QUIT BOLLYWOOD in two or three years.. Shocking? Read on..

- The impressive opening of Kambakht Ishq and its collections at the box-office must have pleased you.
Akshay Kumar : I am very happy with the results. Nowadays, if the beginning is good, everything is good. And we’ve come with 2030 screenings, which is huge. Someone was just telling me that it has beaten all records in Pakistan and it has already made over Rs 50 lakhs there. Until now, the biggest hit across the border was Veer Zara but Kambhakkt Ishq has already surpassed that. The film’s success reassured our faith in it.

- The critics trashed KI.
Akshay Kumar : Yes, the critics panned it. Sometimes I understand it.

- Were you expecting it?
Akshay Kumar : Yes, I was. Because it is not a critic-friendly film. Like critics all over the world gave The Transporter a one-star rating but they made 350 million dollars in the first week. Some films are critic-proof. They do good business despite what the reviews say. That’s because such films always have an audience. Whether it is good or bad, it’s the kind of film people want to go and watch.

- The Transporter is an action film your forte. Why aren’t you doing those kind of films?
Akshay Kumar : I am not moving away from action. I did it in Chandi Chowk To China. I did kung-fu and everything that was needed.

- No, I mean a Transporter-meets-Bond kind of cool action.
Akshay Kumar : The problem with doing that is today, all English films release here at the same time as they do abroad, so the Indian audiences are already exposed to that. So there’s no point attempting a film like that here. It’s not like old times when very few English films released here. Now there are simultaneous worldwide releases. And I have just finished a good action film called Blue. It’s a different space that we’ve gone to. It’s a different genre. There are rare underwater scenes with sharks.

- You had a near-death experience while swimming with sharks, didn’t you?
Akshay Kumar : Yes, we were shooting in the deep sea and feeding sharks, when I hit my head on something and started bleeding. I’ve heard that sharks can smell a drop of blood from a mile, and they zoom in for the kill. But before I could even react, one of the guys just threw all the bait in the opposite direction, so the sharks would charge there, while the second diver put his hand on my wound and we rose to the surface in 20 seconds. I am fortunate to be alive after that incident. My wife Tina was on the ship above and was watching the scene on the monitor.

- Weren’t you scared of going back into the water the next day?
Akshay Kumar : No, I possibly didn’t realise the seriousness of it.

- Admit it, you love taking risks.
Akshay Kumar : Yes, to an extent. You know, there are some people who like to sit on all the rides in an amusement park, no matter how scary because it is fun. I am like that. I enjoy it. Also, in the park, you have to pay to get that kind of a thrill, but in films, they pay me to do experience those kinds of thrills. Whether it is underwater scenes or leaping from planes or buildings…

- Coming back to Blue, is it true that Sanjay Dutt feels sidelined in the film?
Akshay Kumar : This Sanjay Dutt thing has been going on and on and on. Have you heard me ever talk about it? I don’t have any problems with anyone. We have finished the whole film. It’s over and done with.

- Do you think other actors in Blue felt threatened as they know you will do better action?
Akshay Kumar : Maybe… There may be points like that. But I finish about 4-5 films a year. I don’t have the time to get into all this.

- You were the first guy to leap from high-rises and planes but now everyone is doing it. Shouldn’t you now be raising the bar?
Akshay Kumar : Now, everyone is doing stunt scenes because cable work has come in. I used to jump without cables. Safety has just come in five years ago. I’ve jumped on cardboard boxes; then came airbags, and finally cables. Even now, cables are done manually; very few people use the winch machine. I was telling Mr (Sylvester) Stallone about how back home, we’ve jumped from ten-floor buildings without cables and he said, “You are crazy people over there.” And I said, “Yes, we are.”

- Jumping with cables sounds pretty easy.
Akshay Kumar : No, it’s not easy. Once you are standing on the edge of the building, it’s quite difficult to jump even when you know you are being held by cables. Also, you know that your life is in the hands of five people who are holding the cables.

- Your wife doesn’t stop you from going ahead with this madness?
Akshay Kumar : Earlier, she used to tell me⦠but now she’s okay. I don’t know if she’s putting on a brave front for me or if she really believes it but she says, “I know nothing will happen to you.” Maybe it’s because I have done two-three films with her and she has seen me do that kind of action and has faith that I can do it.

- You’ve never been affected by what people say about you. But of late, you’ve started saying things like “Let sleeping dogs lie and some day I will talk against people who are my enemies” and more.
Akshay Kumar : Still, I won’t take names. I am a human being and there’s a limit to my patience. One day, I will react. I am not reacting yet. I can take names and point fingers at people but you are right, that is not me. I want to go back to the kind of person I was. And ignore stuff.

- Also, if you take names, it’s going to get uglier…
Akshay Kumar : It’s not going to get ugly or anything. No one can do anything to me. But like I said before, I am a human being and I can ignore some things some of the times; not all things all the time. It’s come to a point where it has started bothering me. But I have still controlled myself. I don’t want to lose control. And I am glad that I have kept my anger in check.

- Why do you feel persecuted?
Akshay Kumar : You know, Lata Mangeshkar said somewhere, “The more fruits a tree bears the more people throw stones at it.” But if I am being constantly provoked, I have to react because I’m not a tree. And I did react a little bit, but to tell you the truth, I somewhere also regret it. I just do my work. I don’t get involved in any politics or games. I have achieved whatever I have, due to my own hard work and no one can take that away from me. I have done 120 films and out of that, about 80-85 films were hits; the rest were average or flops or whatever. And in all those years, I have never said anything wrong about anyone. I’ve not wronged anyone. I feel very fortunate and proud that I have not rubbed anyone the wrong way in all my years here.

- What’s after Blue?
Akshay Kumar : I have De Dhana Dhan directed by Priyadarshan, Action Replay directed by Vipul Shah and Patiala House directed by Nikhil Advani.

- You are working with Nikhil Advani again after Chandni Chowk� You are very brave.
Akshay Kumar : What do you mean I am being brave? If the movie didn’t work, it’s not just because of him; it’s because of me also.

- That’s admirable, but how many actors work with a flop director?
Akshay Kumar : It’s very shameful if they don’t. It’s not just the director’s fault if a film fails. It’s my fault too. Be man enough to take your share of the blame. It’s the fault of the whole team. You’ve gone into the project after reading the script, so if it doesn’t work, you have to accept that you made a mistake too.

- It was alleged said that CC2C turned out to be totally different from the script because of your interference. True?
Akshay Kumar : No, it’s just a figment of someone’s imagination. Allegations, controversies and scandals should not be taken seriously.

- It comes with the territory, so you’ve got to take it.
Akshay Kumar : So I am taking it. This is not being said for the first time. The more people hit out at me, the stronger it makes me. I must be affecting some people and that’s why such allegations are made against me.

- Even with Kambhakkt Ishq, initially, certain sections of the industry said the collections were exagerrated. A trade analyst even said that the posters (highlighting the biggest opening) were put out one day after the release so they must’ve been printed in advance. How do you react to such accusations?
Akshay Kumar : Yes, the posters are printed and kept, so that if the film works, they can be plastered everywhere. But if the film doesn’t take that kind of opening then those posters are junked. The whole idea behind keeping them ready is so that one is not caught unprepared. Sajid had kept similar posters ready for Jaan-E-Mann also, but the film didn’t work, so those posters were never put up. Every producer does that. You have to be ready.

- You recently had a party to celebrate the success of KI. You said that the party was also for New York but only Katrina was present from that team. Why?
Akshay Kumar : I never said it was a party for New York. I said that because New York and KI have done well, we all need to celebrate. John couldn’t make it because of his foot injury. Katrina was there, but I don’t know Kabir Khan so I didn’t call him. I only called people I know.

- Why was your good friend Aamir Khan missing from your party?
Akshay Kumar : I spoke to him. His wife isn’t keeping well so he could not make it.

- Do you feel some stars didn’t come because you don’t go for other people’s parties?
Akshay Kumar : I go for some parties. Twinkle is more social. What can I say? I don’t enjoy parties.

- Did you enjoy your own party?
Akshay Kumar : To tell you honestly, I was there till about 2 am and then I wrapped up and went home.

- That’s too early for a B-Town party!
Akshay Kumar : The party was going on. Everybody was there. I left…

- How can you disappear from your own party?
Akshay Kumar : I don’t know. Tina and I left together. I think it was a fair time to leave.

- A good party ends at 6 am!
Akshay Kumar : A good party must be ending at 6, but I had a morning shoot. I had a 9 am shoot for De Dhana Dhan, and I can’t be looking pathetic in front of the camera.

- You are perceived more as a money-making machine rather than a serious actor. Comment.
Akshay Kumar : I can’t help perceptions, but I deliver. See, if today, a producer comes to sign me, he is not doing it just to waste his money. A lot of times, I have been accused of ‘robbing’ producers but anyone who doesn’t want to sign me, won’t do so. If a producer believes that he will get his money back, only then will he sign me.

- So charging Rs 45 crores per film is justified?
Akshay Kumar : I have a very different way of working it out. I take a very minimal amount, and I have a stake in the film. If the film does well, I make money, and so does the producer. And if it doesn’t, then we both get a very small amount. So even if my movie doesn’t do well, the producer will always repeat me because of the simple strategy. I remember there was a time when I had 14 flops in a row this was five-six years ago. But I was still being approached by the same guys over and over again. I have a simple strategy. Just work with the producer. Be a producer’s man and go ahead. Any actor can do it. That’s why Nikhil and I are coming together again, because somewhere or the other, CC2C didn’t lose money. It was a very safe proposition.

- Why aren’t you producing more?
Akshay Kumar : I did Singh Is Kinng and Namastey London. I am also producing Patiala House and another film with me and John in it.

- We hear one of your conditions before signing a film is that it should be shot abroad.
Akshay Kumar : No, I must’ve told this to some producer as a joke. De Dhana Dhan was shot in the city; Action Replay was shot on the outskirts of the city, at ND Studios. It is in Karjat, two hours from the city. You came on the set, didn’t you?

- No, I was planning to, but it was too far away.
Akshay Kumar : (Smiles) See?

- Okay, I get it. You don’t like distractions on the set. If you are in the city, other filmmakers, family and friends keep dropping by. And actors want to wrap early and run home or other commitments, right?
Akshay Kumar : I finished the film in 35 days. And that’s because there is no disturbance. Also, when you are in the city, half the time you are sitting in traffic. Now I am doing another film for Priyadarshan, and we will shoot that entirely in Satara. If we finish the film in one schedule, the producer, distributor and exhibitor make money. No matter what happens, the film has to be an average or a hit film. And it works because it was finished quickly.

- Your contemporaries like SRK and Aamir are brilliant at marketing their films, but you don’t get involved in the process. Why?
Akshay Kumar : This is not you talking; it’s your husband talking.

- Rubbish. It’s a fact!
Akshay Kumar : I promote my films whatever way I can.

- Okay, tell me how much do you really interfere in the selection of the leading ladies for your films.
Akshay Kumar : (Laughs) I love to interfere in every department of filmmaking. They don’t let me.

- Any favourite heroines?
Akshay Kumar : Kareena (Kapoor) and Katrina (Kaif)

- You’ve given more hits with Kat.
Akshay Kumar : Yes… 3.

- Is she in your home productions?
Akshay Kumar : I don’t know… the scripts are still being finalised. The directors will sit and decide.

- Talking about looks, a lot of actors are going in for hair transplants (not that you need it) and Botox. Would you consider it?
Akshay Kumar : Till now, I am completely against it and I don’t need it. I don’t want it. Look (points to his eyes), it’s all good. The trick is to have no late parties (grins).

- Do you worry about getting old and looking bad in front of the camera?
Akshay Kumar : (Long silence) Well, I am 42 and I don’t want to be working in this line throughout… If I do it also, maybe I’ll do character roles. Or maybe I will just leave it all and go away.

- How can you do that? You are a total workaholic!
Akshay Kumar : I am a workaholic but I have done enough work, and I am financially secure enough to stop working when I feel like.

- It’s not about money. It’s about keeping yourself occupied.
Akshay Kumar : It’s not like if I am not working, I will get withdrawal symptoms or anything. For me, work is important, and I get a fair amount of work. And I work more than any other actor but sometimes I just feel like I should leave now.

- Why?
Akshay Kumar : (Ponders) Maybe not now but in two-three years…

- That’s not too far away.
Akshay Kumar : I don’t know but I feel that way sometimes. I am not saying I will quit acting. But I want to give a lot of time to my son.

- Not planning another kid?
Akshay Kumar : Not yet. My sister also lives with me and her daughter is like my own daughter.

- What’s the one thing you are afraid of?
Akshay Kumar : Heights.

- But you are leaping off from any and every place you can!
Akshay Kumar : (Laughs) Yeah, I know. When I am standing on the edge, just before I jump, that’s the scariest moment, but then I go ahead and jump. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s thrilling.

- Will you ever direct a film?
Akshay Kumar : No. I’m too scared to even consider that.

A woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her
5-year old son waiting for her at the door.

Please don’t break this even if you only send it to one person.
Thanks

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He Said : “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!” The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: “And that woman was my mother!”

Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!”

The wife went; “ah!” with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out “….and I can’t remember who she was!”
By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water

Moral of the story: Don’t copy if you can’t paste!

Ranbir Kissing Bipasha in Bachna Ae Haseeno

1. I am currently out at a job interview and

Bhai

will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2. I’m not really out of the office.
I’m just ignoring you.

3. You are receiving this automatic notification because
I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t
have received anything at all.

4. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having
my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails
you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18.
Please be patient and your mail will be deleted
in the order it was received.

:X :-X :X :-X :X :-X

6. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been
charged $5.99 or the first ten words and $1.99 for each
additional word in your message.

:p :-p :p :-p :p :-p

7. The e-mail server is unable to verify
your server connection
and is unable to deliver this message.
Please restart
your computer and try sending again.’

:O :-O :O :-O :O :-O

8. Thank you for your message, which has been added to
a queuing system. You are currently in 352ND place, and
can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

( ( ( ( ( ( ( (

9. Hi,I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me.
Please wait by you PC for my response.

) ) ) ) ) )

10. Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for
my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.

11. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

AND FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

12. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Steve’

) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) )

Happy
Sad
Winking
Big Grin
Batting Eyelashes ;;)
Big Hug >:D<
Confused :-/ :-\
Love Struck :X :-X
Blushing :”>
Tongue :p :-p
Kiss :* :-*
Broken Heart =((
Surprise :O :-O
Angry x( X(
Smug :>
Cool b-) B-)
Worried :-s :-S
Whew! #:-s #:-S
Devil >:)
Crying ( (
Laughing ) )
Straight Face
Raised Eyebrow /:)
Rolling on the Floor =))
Angel o:-) O:-)
Nerd :-b :-B
Talk to the Hand =;
Sleepy i-) I-)
Rolling Eyes 8-|
Loser l-) L-)
Sick :-&
Don’t Tell Anyone :-$
Not Talking [-(
Clown ) :O)
Silly 8-}
Party <:-p <:-P
Yawn (:|
Drooling =P~ =p~
Thinking
D’oh #-o #-O
Applause =D> =d>
Nailbiting :-ss :-sS :-Ss :-SS
Hypnotized @-)
Liar :^o :^O
Waiting :-w :-W
Sigh :< :-<
Phbbbbt >:p >:P
Cowboy <):)
Pig :@)
Cow 3:-o 3:-O
Monkey |)
Chicken ~:>
Rose @};-
Good Luck %%-
Flag **==
Pumpkin (~~)
Coffee (or Tea) ~o) ~O)
Idea *-:)
Skull 8-x 8-X
Bug =:)
Alien >-)
Frustrated :-l :-L
Praying [-o< [-O<
Money Eyes $-)
Whistling :-”
Feeling Beat Up b-( B-(
Peace Sign >-
Shame On You [-x [-X
Dancing \:d/ \:D/
Bring It On >:/
Hee Hee )
Hiro o-> O->
Billy o=> O=>
April o-+ O-+
Ying Yang (%)
Chatterbox :-@
Not Worthy ^:)^
Oh Go On :-j :-J

Remember these keys when ur mouse is not working this is very helpful.

* CTRL+C (Copy)
* CTRL+X (Cut)
* CTRL+V (Paste)
* CTRL+Z (Undo)
* DELETE (Delete)
* SHIFT+DELETE (Delete the selected item permanently without placing the item in the Recycle Bin)
* CTRL while dragging an item (Copy the selected item)
* CTRL+SHIFT while dragging an item (Create a shortcut to the selected item)
* F2 key (Rename the selected item)
* CTRL+RIGHT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next word)
* CTRL+LEFT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous word)
* CTRL+DOWN ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next paragraph)
* CTRL+UP ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous paragraph)
* CTRL+SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Highlight a block of text)
* SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Select more than one item in a window or on the desktop, or select text in a document)
* CTRL+A (Select all)
* F3 key (Search for a file or a folder)
* ALT+ENTER (View the properties for the selected item)
* ALT+F4 (Close the active item, or quit the active program)
* ALT+ENTER (Display the properties of the selected object)
* ALT+SPACEBAR (Open the shortcut menu for the active window)
* CTRL+F4 (Close the active document in programs that enable you to have multiple documents open simultaneously)
* ALT+TAB (Switch between the open items)
* ALT+ESC (Cycle through items in the order that they had been opened)
* F6 key (Cycle through the screen elements in a window or on the desktop)
* F4 key (Display the Address bar list in My Computer or Windows Explorer)
* SHIFT+F10 (Display the shortcut menu for the selected item)
* ALT+SPACEBAR (Display the System menu for the active window)
* CTRL+ESC (Display the Start menu)
* ALT+Underlined letter in a menu name (Display the corresponding menu)
* Underlined letter in a command name on an open menu (Perform the corresponding command)
* F10 key (Activate the menu bar in the active program)
* RIGHT ARROW (Open the next menu to the right, or open a submenu)
* LEFT ARROW (Open the next menu to the left, or close a submenu)
* F5 key (Update the active window)
* BACKSPACE (View the folder one level up in My Computer or Windows Explorer)
* ESC (Cancel the current task)
* SHIFT when you insert a CD-ROM into the CD-ROM drive (Prevent the CD-ROM from automatically playing)
* CTRL+SHIFT+ESC (Open Task Manager)

* CTRL+B (Open the Organize Favorites dialog box)
* CTRL+E (Open the Search bar)
* CTRL+F (Start the Find utility)
* CTRL+H (Open the History bar)
* CTRL+I (Open the Favorites bar)
* CTRL+L (Open the Open dialog box)
* CTRL+N (Start another instance of the browser with the same Web address)
* CTRL+O (Open the Open dialog box, the same as CTRL+L)
* CTRL+P (Open the Print dialog box)
* CTRL+R (Update the current Web page)
* CTRL+W (Close the current window)